Love Like This
by Sir Gawaine
Summary: 'Ruth cared, though. She cared about those people outside and she cared about the people inside and she cared about him.' The second in the Harry Ruth Kodaline series.


**A/N – The second in the Harry + Ruth + Kodaline series. The first is 'One Day' but these are all self-contained oneshots so it is not necessary for you to have read that one.**

_**But wait, but wait, but wait,  
The sun will stop shining soon,  
And you'll be gone from my life,  
Yeah, you'll be gone, it's as simple as a change of heart…**_

The EERIE exercise had been in planning for months, months of secret meetings and covert maintenance to make sure that when the systems needed to go down, they would go down for good. That had been a challenge in itself; the odds of ever finding the Grid entirely empty was nearly impossible and the odds of getting past Malcolm and Colin's sharp eyes when it came to their beloved computers were even worse.

The team was going to hate it, Harry knew. They would live the worst forty hours of their lives and he was an integral part of making it happen. He almost wished that he had to take part in the exercise, that he didn't know a thing about it and that he could be just as lost as they were going to be. Tom would be furious when he found out, and so would Colin. Danny would complain. Zoe would cry and so would Sam and Malcolm would be distant for weeks afterwards. He always took everything so personally when it came to Harry, despite having been told a hundred times not to do so.

And Ruth? He still wasn't sure of anything when it came to Ruth.

It was just perfect that Danny chose that day to be late. It added another layer of conflict to what was already going to be a drama. They weren't taking it seriously, of course. He knew Tom would never have opened the door if he thought for a moment it was real. Harry had been a spy for more years than he cared to remember and sometimes Tom's ruthless hardliner attitude took even him by surprise. He would have left Danny outside to die, without a second's hesitation.

Everything flowed exactly as he predicted it would. The right people make the right observations. He _knew_ Colin would be the first to voice the notion that it wasn't a drill. He is clever man, painfully clever, and utterly without the reservations of his colleagues. He says what he sees and doesn't think before he does it. Malcolm reacted to the suits _precisely_ as he was supposed to, firing everyone else up about lack of proper equipment. Everything Malcolm ever says is correct, even if his timing isn't always brilliant, and everyone knows it. When Malcolm talks, people listen.

Harry didn't expect Ruth to react the way she did when they find out about the VX. She caught him off-guard with the tears in her eyes and the strain in her voice and, for a moment, he didn't know what to do. Ruth really cared about what was happening out there, like she felt the pain of every one of those thousands of people and could not put it into words. He was gentle with her, pressing Sam to speak instead, when he might have barked at anyone else for wasting their time.

Something about her face at that moment pulled at him.

He put it out of his mind, not daring to prod at it.

His time had come.

He retreated to his office and sat down to wait. If anyone except Tom had come in, he would have acted normally. It was important that only Tom knew he was 'infected'. It was important to see how he reacted to the news. Harry already knew, of course. The Tom that would have left Danny to die outside is the same Tom that would lock him in his office the moment he thought there was a risk.

Tom was good at reading people and Harry's only reservation was that he would see through the charade. Then again, Harry had been spying since before Tom was out of his nursery and when he wanted to lie, he could tell a lie worth telling. Tom's face dropped when he realised what Harry was saying and he backed away, just an inch or two, lost a tiny part of that composure. Perhaps he was human after all.

Harry had everything he needed in his office for an overnight stay and for making the act look convincing. As soon as Tom left, he loosened his tie and rumpled his shirt, running a hand through his thinning hair and dousing his face and neck with water. He held a flask of tea to his face, to make it red, and then he sat down to wait.

He wasn't expecting Ruth.

She had no reason to come into his office, not when Tom should have been liaising. He didn't want Ruth to see this. She would know precisely what was supposed to be happening, precisely what the gas was doing to him. It would hurt her. He didn't want to hurt her.

He forced himself to look at the floor, muttering half remembered rules from the old GDR protocol handbook. She stood there and said nothing. He could feel her eyes on him.

"Harry?"

He liked how she said his name. He'd never realised before.

He looked up, pretending to struggle to meet her gaze.

He wished he hadn't.

She looked exactly how he thought she would, just like she had back in the briefing room.

"Harry?" she said again, taking a hesitant step closer. He let his eyes settle on her face for a second and saw something else there. Something else he could not quite define. He couldn't think about that.

He looked back down and started to mutter again, flexing his fingers, praying she would go away. She did, but only to fetch Tom. She came back with him. Harry could still feel her watching him, even when he stayed looking determinedly at Tom. Ruth's reaction to his symptoms had been enough, it seemed. Tom locked him in.

He wouldn't come back. He wouldn't be Tom if he did.

Harry changed slowly into some more comfortable clothing, his mind straying again to Ruth. She cared for him, he realised. Her look…it had gone beyond the look a colleague might give another in a situation like that. She cared.

He ate slowly, sandwiches that he had bought that morning in preparation, and felt guilty for a moment that they were all hungry out there on the Grid and he was fine. Lack of food made Danny irritable. He wondered how long it would take before he snapped at someone. He wondered what it would be about.

His sofa was comfortable enough, for one night's sleep. He tried to read the book he had brought with him but it was impossible. His ears strained to hear what was happening outside and after a while he could pick most of them out individually. The rest of them faded in and out but Ruth…she stayed quite close for most of the night. He wondered if she was staying close by his office, looking at the door, hoping he might be able to hold out for a miracle.

He hoped that she was.

He was concerned about what she thought.

He hadn't realised before.

Ruth cared, though. She cared about those people outside and she cared about the people inside and she cared about him. She _did _have second thoughts. She wasn't Tom and she wasn't Malcolm, who would have followed Harry off a cliff if he asked him to, and she wasn't Danny who could sometimes act with surprising cynicism for one so young.

Harry did not sleep well that night.

This realisation had not been part of the plan, that carefully laid plan, and for a moment he wasn't sure if he was thinking about the EERIE exercise or his personal life.

He'd have to keep an eye on that. It wouldn't last, of course. It was a crush, that was all. Silly and juvenile but still just about acceptable for a man of his age as long as he let it pass quickly.

Harmless enough, really.


End file.
